Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
