Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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