my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
