also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
