Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
