My room smells like vodka and shame
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
