i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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