3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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