If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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