happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
