im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
