I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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