He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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