I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
