very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
