I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
