I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
