i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize