oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
