i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
