i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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