We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize