If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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