I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
