I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
