I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
