Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
