oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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