Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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