Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
