Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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