You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
