yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
