She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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