if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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