I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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