Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
