Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
