She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
