you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
