FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my being single is dangerous.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
