You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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