My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
