How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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