you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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