Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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