i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
