so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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