I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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