if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
