there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
