both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
