um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
