since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
