Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
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We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
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I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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