Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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