I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
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