u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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