If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
