Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
