I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
