Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
