Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
