He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
