Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
