Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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