He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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