In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
