Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
