hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
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Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
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We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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