I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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