Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize