apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have post one night stand depression
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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