I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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