hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
