feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Your cock deserves a montage
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
