It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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