We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
