im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
