and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
