Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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