Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
When are your genitals available?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
