I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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