Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
