Texts From Last Night

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  (573): View more from Missouri

  My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.

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  (573): My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best. http://tfl.nu/21y4
  Replies (14) Good night (2364) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.

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  (612): from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/b39s
  Replies (27) Good night (651) Bad night (1351) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.

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  (708): the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out. http://tfl.nu/g42w
  Replies (38) Good night (628) Bad night (1113) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?

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  (716): do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car? http://tfl.nu/kx3d
  Replies (10) Good night (3019) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.

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  (519): You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night. http://tfl.nu/cmtj
  Replies (3) Good night (2061) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.

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  (218): Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job. http://tfl.nu/1e2u
  Replies (14) Good night (2738) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?

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  (631): Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up? http://tfl.nu/k005
  Replies (56) Good night (6483) Bad night (1280) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?

  (804): View more from Virginia

  who says it cant be both...

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  (757): im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever? (804): who says it cant be both... http://tfl.nu/wstu
  Replies (50) Good night (6666) Bad night (542)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.

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  (+44): Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here. http://tfl.nu/0a2t
  Replies (7) Good night (2353) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.

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  (610): I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral. http://tfl.nu/xbiu
  Replies (14) Good night (5726) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  what is it with giant penises always finding me

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  (216): what is it with giant penises always finding me http://tfl.nu/ji8j
  Replies (26) Good night (4093) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.

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  (813): I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked. http://tfl.nu/aika
  Replies (14) Good night (735) Bad night (3730) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.

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  (813): Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom. http://tfl.nu/y5hs
  Replies (7) Good night (2095) Bad night (596)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.

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  (406): Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on. http://tfl.nu/zrfh
  Replies (6) Good night (1629) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
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  (772): View more from Florida

  Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.

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  (772): Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with. http://tfl.nu/bsvi
  Replies (14) Good night (707) Bad night (248)

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