The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
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Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
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I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.