Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress