I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life