she was so not down for the gang bang
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.