I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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