I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
