Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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