Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
